The Superwoman Complex

This morning I woke up....... I don't ever think I've appreciated that as much as I did today.  I woke up. So did you. So did your loved ones and those they love.  We all woke up. My dear friend did not, and she never will again, not on this earth anyway. As last night and today drug on, every minute seemed like a never ending nightmare. I sat alone on my couch, for hours, just paralyzed.  I didn't turn on the TV, I just poured a glass of Bourbon and stared into darkness. For once there was not a thought in my head, not a single one, there was no sound, it should have been peaceful bliss, but this was a type of torment I have never experienced, there was nothing. No breathe, no light, no laughter, no banter there was just void. Out of this seemingly never ending silence came as crystal clear anything I have ever heard. "Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. "Through it all, through it all it is well. Through it all, my eyes are on you, and it is well

I got a whole five exits from the restaurant before the tears started to involuntarily fall.  The restaurant where I had a wonderful dinner with one of my best friends for the last time for a little while.  It's fitting that the place we had our "see you later" meal was the same place where a few short months ago she told me she was moving with her family to Pittsburgh. For those who know me, you know that I am a fairly guarded person. I keep my cards close and I don't let many people in.  Most of my "friendships" are surface level and that is something that I am not proud of.  But every now and then someone breaks through, and there is risk involved in letting that occur.  In this case that risk is and was and will continue to be well worth it. On the way home I had an ironic  (ironic because of who the conversation was with) and poignant (also poignant because of who the conversation was with) conversation about the risk of letting people in.  The conv