If at first you don't succeed

It has been a regrettably long time since my last posting. I would love to say that it is because so much has happened, but that is not the case.  A lot has happened in the last couple of months but it is not mind numbing or earth shattering.  Most of it was depressing and a little sad, but we all fought through our trials....at work, financially and even within our own minds, and we feel as if we are on the upward slope again.

I am entering my second year as a doctoral student.  Some days I wonder how in the world I will ever get this accomplished, but then I have a class that is enlightening and engaging, and I remember why I am a lifelong learner.  It is hard to balance a family, marriage, career, household and school, but it is well worth it to gain the knowledge and to connect with others that are passionate about learning.

It seems as if everyone we know is now on their 2nd child, and so naturally the pressure is on us to have "just one more".  My answer to that is a resounding NO!  There are days when I can barely handle my biting, defiant, strong willed monster.  I have not slept for over two years, the last thing I want to do is to start the process over!

I worry about socializing my son, but I think that we will just have to exert more effort in engaging him with others.  That is our responsibility and is not a valid reason for bringing another life into the world.  I do not have to desire to have another child, but I will love the heck out of all of my friends children as I love the heck out of mine.

Life is all about balance, and right now balance in my life is a very fragile thing.  I hope to have exciting mind numbing news soon.
-Ber

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Through it All

This morning I woke up....... I don't ever think I've appreciated that as much as I did today.  I woke up. So did you. So did your loved ones and those they love.  We all woke up. My dear friend did not, and she never will again, not on this earth anyway. As last night and today drug on, every minute seemed like a never ending nightmare. I sat alone on my couch, for hours, just paralyzed.  I didn't turn on the TV, I just poured a glass of Bourbon and stared into darkness. For once there was not a thought in my head, not a single one, there was no sound, it should have been peaceful bliss, but this was a type of torment I have never experienced, there was nothing. No breathe, no light, no laughter, no banter there was just void. Out of this seemingly never ending silence came as crystal clear anything I have ever heard. "Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on you. "Through it all, through it all it is well. Through it all, my eyes are on you, and it is well...
Read more

Construction Zone

I have been doing  a lot of work on me recently.  I took a leave of absense to get through the holiday's but got through so much more.  I am 11 days into a health challenge that I never thought I would have the will power for, and I am attempting to build new relationships with people who will compliment me and my new life, not hinder it and judge me. I will always be a work in progress, but I keep moving forward and I try not to settle or get too comfortable.  I want to help others to realize their potential as well. My biggest struggle right now is to get over this idea that others have put into my head. That I am selfish.  In some ways it is good to have this said to me, and about me, because it makes me more conscious of others. I have been walking around in a bit of a fuzzy haze since Blake was born.  I don't remember facts, details or names the way I used to.  He takes most of my energy and most of my brain power.  I am however starting to...
Read more

phD Kick in the Rear

To say this phD journey has been an adventure is an understatement.  It has been more of a comedy of errors and I have had my share of being at both the end and the beginning of the joke.  There have been many frustrations, many times I wanted to give up, and many times I almost let go of my dream because it just seemed to far from my reach, many sleepless and tearful nights. There have been lots of times I thought "who does this, and why, I must be insane"! I am of course, but not just because I am trying to accomplish the barely possible. Then 2 weeks ago, after a very hard period of insomnia (12 days of little to no sleep) and writers block, my chair reached out and gave me some simple advice.  That advice and guidance flipped a switch and I felt empowered.  I was able to give alignment to my proposal, but more than that I seem to gain alignment with my life.  The next day I listened to a podcast from Jen Hatmaker with Dr. Brene Brown, which by the way, cou...
Read more