Community Involvement- OR- Scariest Thing on Earth

So I missed my blog post last week.  I am sure everyone noticed and was very sad about that.  First, class started back up again after about 10 weeks of a hiatus with dissertation writing, parting ways with my chair and starting that whole process of finding a new chair.  But none of those are reasons I did not post. The real reason for not posting is that it was my promise to myself to to post and commit to joining and being more involved in a community.

I love the idea of making new friends, having that Sex in the City, Golden Girls even Buffy the Vampire Slayer core group of friends to do life with.  I love the idea!! It is not my reality, in fact making new friends freaks me out.  Getting close to friends terrifies me. So the idea of inserting myself into a community is something I avoid at all costs.

Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of wonderful friends and family, but most of them are not local.  I have my one Colorado person/Family that I feel bad for because I rely on them for most of my community effort.  The rest of my close friends live in various states scattered around the country.

So I made this commitment to join one of the small groups at church. I reached out to three of them and all three were enthusiastic about having Blake and I join. So the first group met on Tuesdays, but didn't have a strong kid presence to occupy Blake, so that one was out in my world of excuses to stay home (lousy excuse).  The second one met on Wednesdays, but they were meeting up with another group....way too much excitement for a first timer like me (even worse excuse). The third group I settled on going to because 1. They were meeting at a bowling alley, so the chances for deep and meaningful conversations were limited 2. I had run out of excuses.

The day the group was to meet I received an email from the very sweet leader stating that all members of the group were sick and they were going to have to cancel this week.  SCORE! I had dodged the bullet for another week, UGH I am so lame! I have been telling myself I would join one of these groups for over a year and I allowed every excuse in the book get in the way of actually stepping outside of my comfort zone and just going for it. Any of these three groups are filled with amazing people that I am terrified of. This is the face and fear of social anxiety at its worse.  I would rather wrangle a bored toddler at home alone then face perfectly nice people and make new friends.

So, I am abandoning the excuses and will attend a small group meeting tonight even if I don't say a word and cower in a corner wanting to cry (dramatization at its best). After almost 5 years in Colorado it is time to give my poor one friend a break and make a couple new ones.  I will let you know if I survive :), or if they let me back ;)