The Cost of Exhaustion

I am writing.....and I am reading......and I am writing...... and after an hour I have a pretty decent idea that I am totally lost on what direction I am taking this dissertation.  I am sure my story is fairly common in this dissertation process, but I am tired, I am frustrated and I am procrastinating.  I have set this insane goal of writing 5-10 pages a night, forgetting that I have 2-3 hours between the time I get home and the time I go to bed.  I have managed to write out a table of contents for Chapter 1, in which I have identified that I have at least 5-6 more topics to develop, and then I launch into Chapter 2..........and so far I have a  3 page table of contents, and I am half way done with identifying what I need to write for chapter 2.........sigh.....and more sigh.

But of course as always the writing process, however important as it might seem, has taken a back seat to the planning of a Spiderman birthday party, dealing with a petty jerk at work who thinks that EVERYTHING is better in New York and is causing havoc on my workplace sparkle, and a very stressful (to me) trip to Japan. There are times when I wonder why I would have taken on such a daunting task of adding a couple of letters to the beginning of my name. Then reality sets in...how cool is it going to be when I am called Dr. Brown, making low management salary as a supervisor.

If my tone sounds a bit negative, it may be because I am feeling the frustration of this doctoral process. Never fear, I am told this is a rite of passage.  Parenting a three year old may be adding a little bit of frustration, as well as the stress of the birthday/holiday season that is impending.

How do you eat an elephant? I don't know.....I wouldn't want to eat an elephant, who would do such a thing anyway?  I just want to take a personal break far away from everything and sit in silence for 24-48 hours.  Maybe that will be my treat to myself after this madness is complete. 

Thank you for enduring my rant, now back to your regularly scheduled program.



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