Hashtag Blessed
So it's the month of thankfulness, and I am sure we are all beginning to see the term #blessed across our social media feeds. While I wholeheartedly believe in gratefulness, I feel that we throw that term blessed around a little too much. This term "blessed" was addressed by my pastor in service this week and he stated: blessed are the poor in spirit for they shall inherit the earth....well I must be the queen inheriting the most glittery thrown of all as of late.
I do not mean to sound cynical or to flash a crisis of faith into the faces of friends or family, but when will I be "blessed" enough based on the definition of my pastor. I am going to straight talk with you for a bit....I am grateful to breathe daily, I am grateful for a sweet and loving little boy, I am grateful for friends and family who love me, but I am not grateful for my "blessings", those things that make me poor in spirit. I am "blessed" enough and I would thank you to stop "blessing" me at this point. at least for the rest of this year.
Tonight I hit the accelerator on my car when everyone else braked. I wrecked my car, but I was fine. and the person I rear ended was also fine. I was physically fine, but my spirit was crushed. In that moment enough was enough and I was broken. It has been a year where there has been very little light and a whole lot of dark and it is HARD to feel blessed in any capacity. In that moment, when I calculated what this would cost me, and what it would mean for my financial stability and livelihood the last thing I felt was blessed. I felt once again betrayed by happiness, just one more thing to add to a terrible year. To top it off I received a citation for following too closely and I get to appear in court. So now I have no car, I have ticket a that will financially set me back, and ding my driving record and I get to appear in court....I was done...terribly defeated, and stuck in Broomfield with no ride home.
Within this moment I had to allow myself to just be pissed, sad, lonely and scared, and then I had to pull it together, put on my big girl panties and allow a good friend to offer help, I also had to accept that help, which is soooo hard for me, and to allow others to support me remotely. I had to allow myself to be sad and mourn the situation and then I had to take a look at the fact that it could have been a whole heck of a lot worse, and as lonely as it felt, I had to acknowledge and be grateful that I have a support system. Man that is a blessing Bi@!# slap.
Hashtag blessed isn't when you buy a new shiny car....it's that the car that you wrecked didn't kill you or GOD forbid your child or loved one within it. It's not that your marriage is perfect, its that you can respect and love that person you married even when you've decided not to be together. It's not that you have the perfect child, its that you love the gift of an amazing child who struggles with a possible ADHD diagnosis and struggles more than most to just behave, even though you can see that he is desperately trying.# Blessed is having challenges that make you stronger, and teach you something about yourself, the people that you love and the world around you EVERY single day!
I'm longing for something good to happen, wishing for it every day. Adulting SUCKS, but I am soooo hashtag blessed, and not in the superficial everything is rainbow farting unicorn social media blessed way. I am real life, straight up, hard as crap blessed. Life is a messy wreck, and yet, I have people who care about me and step it up when I need them, I have everything I need and some of what I want and I have God's grace, which I desperately need.I have an amazing and challenging little boy who I wouldn't trade for all the well behaved children in the world. Don't be social media #blessed. Be straight up hard as Sh*! blessed, Be authentic in owning your hard blessings and use it to be grateful for all you are allowed to go through and still live. How boring would your life be if you you were social media blessed. As much as it sucks in the moment, and as much as I want just a break from the poor in spirit blessings....man I have had a LIFE, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.
I do not mean to sound cynical or to flash a crisis of faith into the faces of friends or family, but when will I be "blessed" enough based on the definition of my pastor. I am going to straight talk with you for a bit....I am grateful to breathe daily, I am grateful for a sweet and loving little boy, I am grateful for friends and family who love me, but I am not grateful for my "blessings", those things that make me poor in spirit. I am "blessed" enough and I would thank you to stop "blessing" me at this point. at least for the rest of this year.
Tonight I hit the accelerator on my car when everyone else braked. I wrecked my car, but I was fine. and the person I rear ended was also fine. I was physically fine, but my spirit was crushed. In that moment enough was enough and I was broken. It has been a year where there has been very little light and a whole lot of dark and it is HARD to feel blessed in any capacity. In that moment, when I calculated what this would cost me, and what it would mean for my financial stability and livelihood the last thing I felt was blessed. I felt once again betrayed by happiness, just one more thing to add to a terrible year. To top it off I received a citation for following too closely and I get to appear in court. So now I have no car, I have ticket a that will financially set me back, and ding my driving record and I get to appear in court....I was done...terribly defeated, and stuck in Broomfield with no ride home.
Within this moment I had to allow myself to just be pissed, sad, lonely and scared, and then I had to pull it together, put on my big girl panties and allow a good friend to offer help, I also had to accept that help, which is soooo hard for me, and to allow others to support me remotely. I had to allow myself to be sad and mourn the situation and then I had to take a look at the fact that it could have been a whole heck of a lot worse, and as lonely as it felt, I had to acknowledge and be grateful that I have a support system. Man that is a blessing Bi@!# slap.
Hashtag blessed isn't when you buy a new shiny car....it's that the car that you wrecked didn't kill you or GOD forbid your child or loved one within it. It's not that your marriage is perfect, its that you can respect and love that person you married even when you've decided not to be together. It's not that you have the perfect child, its that you love the gift of an amazing child who struggles with a possible ADHD diagnosis and struggles more than most to just behave, even though you can see that he is desperately trying.# Blessed is having challenges that make you stronger, and teach you something about yourself, the people that you love and the world around you EVERY single day!
I'm longing for something good to happen, wishing for it every day. Adulting SUCKS, but I am soooo hashtag blessed, and not in the superficial everything is rainbow farting unicorn social media blessed way. I am real life, straight up, hard as crap blessed. Life is a messy wreck, and yet, I have people who care about me and step it up when I need them, I have everything I need and some of what I want and I have God's grace, which I desperately need.I have an amazing and challenging little boy who I wouldn't trade for all the well behaved children in the world. Don't be social media #blessed. Be straight up hard as Sh*! blessed, Be authentic in owning your hard blessings and use it to be grateful for all you are allowed to go through and still live. How boring would your life be if you you were social media blessed. As much as it sucks in the moment, and as much as I want just a break from the poor in spirit blessings....man I have had a LIFE, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.
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