We are Intrepid

Have you ever seen the movie Elizabethtown? If you haven't I will wait, when you come back, you let me know......You're welcome. There is this profound line spoken in that movie.  A quote that has remained with me every single day.  We are intrepid.....we carry on.  Spoken by Sigourney Weaver there is nothing more penetrating to your soul. There is also no greater truth. No matter what happens, the poop smeared on the wall, the dirty dishes you can't quite get to, the countless heartaches, joys, troubles and precious moments....every.....single.....day.....we are intrepid and we indeed carry on.

I think of another scene in my other favorite movie, Garden State, where Zach Braff is sitting on this airplane and it is crashing. As the chaos is mounting he closes his eyes and just accepts. I feel like I am Zach Braff, sitting on my airplane of life as it is crashing around me and I have no choice but to close my eyes and accept...except that I call it trust.

My last post was the day after the unjustifiable passing of my beautiful friend. That SUCKED! It still sucks, and no less any day. Through it, however, I connected with unimaginable sources of comfort, friends I haven't spoken to for years, not because I don't love them but because......LIFE. I couldn't really bring myself to write, because I really didn't know what I had, of value, to say.

I spend a great deal of my time trying to be connected to others....as long as it is at arms length. I don't like closeness, it leads to vulnerability. I don't like connection because you will uncover my demons. I don't want you peering into my private life, because you won't like what you see.  Don't look into my heart because there are VERY dark corners.

We all deal with hard stuff. I have attended a church for 4 years and have minimal deep connections. To me, that is extremely contradictory. I feel like I don't belong, not to the mom 2 mom groups because I am a working mother, not to the working women, because I'm a mom. Not to married women because I'm not really married, not to the single women because I haven't entered that club yet either. Not to the karate moms because my kid is off to the side twirling, not to the PTA moms, because my kid is the one stabbing yours with a pencil. I don't belong anywhere.

Yet...I am INTREPID.....I CARRY on. I deal with the hard stuff, and trust that it's all going to work out.  So far, I wake up every single day. so I am 100% effective at beating the hard stuff. In the end, isn't that all that matters?

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