Lifes Struggles
I had the weekend all planned out. I was cooking breakfast in bed for the hubby, we were going to the Science Museum with some friends, karaoke at night and then to the bounce house place on Sunday.
Husband comes home Friday night and informs me that we will be babysitting another one year old on Sundy...ok bounce house is out, Saturday still sounds like a great family fun day......then as the bacon is in the oven and I am getting the eggs out of the fridge I hear my uncle call from the basement.....water is pouring out of our stairwell (where the main water line terminates), and there is standing water everywhere in the hallway of the basement. Plans cancelled!!
I let this ruin my whole day. I felt defeated and depressed. We cleaned up the mess and by 1pm we were bound for a family lunch out and then some time at the park. It was too late for me though. I was joyless. I have an expectation issue. I am sure that all of us over acheiving moms have this issue, but in my case it can be debilitating. I was crushed when I planned a birthday party for myself and nobody showed, I was dissapointed by the turnout at my sons first birthday pary, and I was miffed by our plans changing this weekend. It is something that I have to gain control of, I need to be able to find joy in adaptation.
So how does one do this? Well I think that the first step is to realize that sometimes (or most of the time in my case) plans do not work out the way that we plan them out in our heads. I have an over-active imagination that is locked in this Eutopia that does not exist. The result is perpetual dissapointment.
I have decided to plan things for myself only, if others can make it....great, if not well I will still have my plan. Of course this will also need some flexibility, but the point is that I am done relying on others to show up. It puts unfair expectations on them and myself. Hopefully in time I will realize that I do not need to plan life out, that I can just allow it to happen. I think that will be a true measure of growth and happiness. I am slowly working on this.....work in progress....I am a constant work in progress.
Husband comes home Friday night and informs me that we will be babysitting another one year old on Sundy...ok bounce house is out, Saturday still sounds like a great family fun day......then as the bacon is in the oven and I am getting the eggs out of the fridge I hear my uncle call from the basement.....water is pouring out of our stairwell (where the main water line terminates), and there is standing water everywhere in the hallway of the basement. Plans cancelled!!
I let this ruin my whole day. I felt defeated and depressed. We cleaned up the mess and by 1pm we were bound for a family lunch out and then some time at the park. It was too late for me though. I was joyless. I have an expectation issue. I am sure that all of us over acheiving moms have this issue, but in my case it can be debilitating. I was crushed when I planned a birthday party for myself and nobody showed, I was dissapointed by the turnout at my sons first birthday pary, and I was miffed by our plans changing this weekend. It is something that I have to gain control of, I need to be able to find joy in adaptation.
So how does one do this? Well I think that the first step is to realize that sometimes (or most of the time in my case) plans do not work out the way that we plan them out in our heads. I have an over-active imagination that is locked in this Eutopia that does not exist. The result is perpetual dissapointment.
I have decided to plan things for myself only, if others can make it....great, if not well I will still have my plan. Of course this will also need some flexibility, but the point is that I am done relying on others to show up. It puts unfair expectations on them and myself. Hopefully in time I will realize that I do not need to plan life out, that I can just allow it to happen. I think that will be a true measure of growth and happiness. I am slowly working on this.....work in progress....I am a constant work in progress.
Amber I completely get this post! For a minute there I thought you were talking about me. :) I'm a planner, but not as much as I used to be, but like you I have expectations. Sometimes it is depressing when things don't go the way I planned or envisioned. It's tough to do, especially because I tend to go out of my way for everyone around me. Like you I'm an overachiever and you're right this is tough for us moms who want to fit everything in. And this is also something I am working on. What I'm learning is that as long as my kids are happy, we're healthy, and able to spend quality time together, even if it's not exactly the way I planned it out that everything will be OK. Sometimes it takes me telling myself, "it will be OK, don't worry, don't stress, let it go, what can I do to turn this situation around, or OK this isn't what I had envisioned but how can I make this work for me?" It definitely takes time and it isn't always easy but just remember there is always tomorrow and try not to let little things (even if they seem big) ruin a day you won't ever get to relive again. Good luck my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you Yvonne! Couldn't have said it better myself!
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