All the Things

It has been a couple of weeks.  There have been all these things.  Little things........big things.........things. I am feeling that all of my people are also feeling the things. My friends are dealing with family things, money things, changing gender things, marriage things, woman things, man things and all the things in between. there are all of this things.....am I right? I've been dealing with a few specific things the last couple of weeks, and in the spirit of transparency, I'd like to share them with you 10 readers.

1st thing: the never ending dissertation. OMG! as I get further along with what seems like zero progress, I am so discouraged by this thing.  I am finding the never ending not good enough has become this life sucking tax that I feel I will never fully pay. I have lost the motivation to continue, the motivation to finish, and the motivation to write. I can think of 1001 things I would rather do than re-write the thing I've re-written 100 times. Holy soul sucking!!!!!!!!! I know my why's and I continue to continue,  and I just hope for a spur in my ass to finish (sorry not sorry for the language, dissertations are the crap).

2nd thing: this is real ya'll. One of the first people to believe in me, when no one else did was found murdered this last week. Talk about a whoa. I don't know what to do with this information.  This person was like a brother to me for over a decade.  He hired me at Outback when the proprietor thought I wouldn't make it. He encouraged me to become a computer tech, when evolved into a service tech, which became a 20 year career so far. He was relentless in supporting me and was someone I will never ever forget. We had lost touch the last 4 years, but I loved him dearly.  He will be sooo missed and I will try to help in the efforts to find his killer and bring them to justice.

3rd thing: My friends are going through hard things. From the friend who is going through the marital problems and thinks they are alone (sister you are not alone, I will walk with you). To one of my best friends battling a terrible diagnosis, man my heart just hurts so much for these people...my people. I am so awkward with encouragement, and I have become so closed in so many ways. But...if you are reading this, and you think I'm talking about you.... I am and I am WITH you. I think about and pary for you all of the time, even if you don't believe in prayer.

4th thing: Man......am I struggling with patience and kindness right now.  Like full on don't wanna...I feel walked on at work, I feel unappreciated at home on many fronts, I feel discarded and undervalued in my relationships.  I.....am....frustrated, but I am re-evaluating why and trying to re-align my priorites to rely less on acceptance, and more on accomplishing my goals.

The things have been hard, and they have been daunting, but we can all get through them, because they are just things.  Know that I love you all, and that I think about you often.

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