Mom Guilt- The Struggle is Real

I struggle with mom guilt- there I said it, out loud, for all to hear.  I struggle with feeling like I can't do things to further myself outside of caring for my child and my family.  Everything feels harder with a small one doesn't it?  Committing to events, volunteering, making friends/momlationships as Melanie Dale calls them, even completing schoolwork all seems harder when you have this little person who wants to play or snuggle.

I work out of the home and leave at 6:30 am. This puts my child in daycare for roughly 10-11 hours a day....talk about mom guilt.  The thing is that he doesn't mind it.  He loves to play and learn with his friends. It is much harder on me than it is on him....much! As a doctoral student, I often skirt academic responsibility to hang out with my little man.  I don't have to, he is content to watch his shows next to me on the couch as long as he knows I'm near. 

How many times to we put off our dreams and aspirations, not because of responsibility, but because we feel guilty that we are not the supermom/dad that society thinks we should be.  My parents both worked out of the home by the time I was 5 years old.  I believe it gave me a sense of work ethic, and in no way scarred me for life.  It allowed me to have a realistic view of what it took to support a family.  We took wonderful family vacations and had many happy times, but Monday-Friday while mom and dad worked, I was in school or child care.

Dad's you are not immuned to mom guilt....we mom's make sure of it.  We let you know when "your child" is driving us to the point of insanity, and if you also work outside of the home, we let you know that we need to spend more time as a family. 

Society places such an unrealistic view on parenting.  There is no one way to parent a child.  Parenting is as individualistic as an individual, and there should not be sweeping expectations of what is right or wrong when it comes to raising a child.  Now I am not suggesting that blatant irresponsible parenting is beneficial to a child, but I think there are many environments in which a functional child can become a contributing member of society. If you want to helicopter parent  your child...do so.  If you want to tiger mom your child, do so.  I want my child to understand that everyone has a different environment and upbringing, and that he still has a responsibility to become the person that he wants to become, until the time comes where he is judged by how he parents his children. 

I have many mom friends who are stay at home moms (hardest job in the world).  I have friends who are single moms, I have friends who work part time and friends who work full time.  All of them know whats best for their family and their children....and none of them are wrong.  For me, I know what's best for my child.  If he wants to continue to live (I jest...mostly) he wants mommy to work. 

So please continue to invite me to your your networking events, your mommy's only dinners, and even your playdates.  I want to go and eventually I will be okay with leaving the little with a sitter for two hours even after 11 hours of daycare to attend. As for me......I need to continue the struggle through the mom guilt.  Cause you know what....my kid is fine........and we are all doing this working/nonworking parenting thing just right.