Don't Fall off a Cliff...........JUMP!
The last couple of weeks have been a challenge to say the least. Many don't know that I have a husband who is wonderful (ok everyone knows that part) who battles with depression. Many also do not know that I have an issue with empathy. What my husband feels, I also feel. If you have not yet heard, depression can be contagious, and I know this feeling all too well. The last few weeks have been particularly bad, but we are on the mend. The main symptoms for me during these times is exhaustion, a lack of focus and a deep sadness that I cannot fix the situation. During these times I have little motivation and a whole lot of excuses.
This time I felt it necessary to take a leave of absence for school so that I could once again begin the search for a new chair. This process was daunting the first time and left me nervous and apprehensive.
I procrastinated the first week. I told myself that taking care of my family was a priority and that I could wait for one more week. Granted I only took 4 weeks off so the clock is ticking. After "normal" routines were back in place I took a deep breath and became very vulnerable. I crafted a letter that explained my dissertation and chair situation, how I had been failed by my previous chair and the current status of my proposal (dismal). I then carefully researched 50 potential chair candidates and I exposed myself to ALL 50 OF THEM (sent them the letter, not literally exposed myself).
Some misread the message thinking that I was not heading the advice of my former chair (there was no advice to head, my only advice came from a committee member, who I am eternally grateful for), some sympathized with my story but could offer no help but most surprisingly several Dr.'s were interested in my study and interested in helping me! What a relief, but now I have a new dilemma of choosing the right fit for not only my topic, but the state of my dissertation. As mentioned it needs considerable work and I feel as if I may need a strong hand to guide me.
From that little step of faith, a lot of prayer and a little courage, I now have 3 people who would like to chair me and now I have a decision to make. With luck I will pick the correct chair, one who will challenge me and make my proposal committee ready. With any luck in 3 months I will have submitted to the appropriate boards and I will have confidence in my proposal and a new energy and desire to begin data collection.
Courage has been a common theme for 2016 so far. Courage to open myself up to community, courage to accept criticism and not take it personally and courage to have tough conversations that I would normally avoid at all cost. The fact is, without courage and risk there is no progression. I don't want to stand in the same tepid pool while the larva begin to mount around me.....I'd rather cliff-dive into the unknown and enjoy the view all the way down!
Love you guys!
This time I felt it necessary to take a leave of absence for school so that I could once again begin the search for a new chair. This process was daunting the first time and left me nervous and apprehensive.
I procrastinated the first week. I told myself that taking care of my family was a priority and that I could wait for one more week. Granted I only took 4 weeks off so the clock is ticking. After "normal" routines were back in place I took a deep breath and became very vulnerable. I crafted a letter that explained my dissertation and chair situation, how I had been failed by my previous chair and the current status of my proposal (dismal). I then carefully researched 50 potential chair candidates and I exposed myself to ALL 50 OF THEM (sent them the letter, not literally exposed myself).
Some misread the message thinking that I was not heading the advice of my former chair (there was no advice to head, my only advice came from a committee member, who I am eternally grateful for), some sympathized with my story but could offer no help but most surprisingly several Dr.'s were interested in my study and interested in helping me! What a relief, but now I have a new dilemma of choosing the right fit for not only my topic, but the state of my dissertation. As mentioned it needs considerable work and I feel as if I may need a strong hand to guide me.
From that little step of faith, a lot of prayer and a little courage, I now have 3 people who would like to chair me and now I have a decision to make. With luck I will pick the correct chair, one who will challenge me and make my proposal committee ready. With any luck in 3 months I will have submitted to the appropriate boards and I will have confidence in my proposal and a new energy and desire to begin data collection.
Courage has been a common theme for 2016 so far. Courage to open myself up to community, courage to accept criticism and not take it personally and courage to have tough conversations that I would normally avoid at all cost. The fact is, without courage and risk there is no progression. I don't want to stand in the same tepid pool while the larva begin to mount around me.....I'd rather cliff-dive into the unknown and enjoy the view all the way down!
Love you guys!
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