To all Those Who Didn't Picture Life This Way

Sometimes life just sucks you know.  You have these preconceived ideas about what your life is going to be like "when you grow up" and rarely do those plans come to fruition. We get caught up in this idea of contentment and success and when life doesn't go our way we consider ourselves failures. We compare ourselves to the social media versions of people we don't even know. The truth is NONE of us are as we portray ourselves to be. We are all facing unspeakable struggles and none of us can claim that our lives are the way we ideally pictured them.   I am here to say to all of you who are living the life you didn't picture.....I see you. I see you mommas who didn't plan to have your little or the multiple littles, therefore thwarting their plans to continue school, work your corporate job, become Miss America... I see you sister who didn't plan on being a single parent....I see you brother who tried with all your might but just couldn't make it work, I could go on forever... Those who struggle with infertility, those who saw no choice but to give up family members, babies, jobs, houses, marriages, dear sweet people fighting cancer, HIV, heart conditions, MS, heartbreaking depression and anxiety oh how the list goes on, and oh how I see and feel you.  I see all the pain of these shattered lives...including my own, and my heart breaks for us all.

There's hope for all of us degenerate misfits who have screwed up our ideal life ...we each get to live a new day, every day. I think I must mess life up at least once a day. Is anyone else with me on this? I forget school lunches, I say stupid crap to friends after I've had too much wine, I fixate on the one thing that goes wrong during a whole day of things that go right.  But the next day I am free to start over. Granted, most days end the same way: picking up dog poop, fighting with a four year old, feeling frustrated and ignoring the wins of the day. However, every once in a while I have a day where I feel like I am getting this all right.

Every once in awhile there is a day where someone says something kind about my character. A friend forgives me for not being there, or worse for verbally accosting them. A huge project gets completed on time, and is of decent quality. Or the days when my child looks up at me with that sweetness that is so rare and says in his little amazing voice...mommy I just love you. There are definitely winning days, and these are the days that carry me through the times when I ruin relationships, or I criticize my child or myself too harshly, or I'm unkind to my family.  These days get me through the sad, lonely, guilty times that are too numerous to count.

So for all of those who haven't had a winning day for a little while.  I see you, I see you so hard, and I want you to know that you are loved, and special and so not alone.  We are all creeps and I love doing life with the messes like me!

And if you really want to dig into this messiness and this pain and this ugly cry life we live, read Melanie Dale's "It's not Fair" its an amazing, funny book about how we are hot messes.  I find comfort in knowing that I am definitely in great company when it comes to my hot mess life.

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