That Which Does Not Kill You, Sometimes Makes You Wish it Did
How do you cope with a large disappointment? The worry over a child's health? Feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often for things you haven't even done? I'm not asking rhetorical questions....I'm seeking advice. You see this year was going to be year that I planned to THRIVE. I would turn in my dissertation proposal to rave reviews, I would be considered the best wife, mother, friend and family member ever. I was going to conquer mom guilt and be the fittest, funnest, most honest version of me. Well four days into the new year and I am already exhausted, deflated and have broken all of the promises I have made to myself.
On the second day of the year I opened my email at a stoplight (I know terrible) on my way to a hair appointment. I was greeted with the devastating news that my committee member thought that my dissertation proposal was NOWHERE NEAR where it needed to be to submit to the review boards. The floodgates opened and I arrived to my hair appointment with puffy read eyes, a raw rubbed nose and a shattered spirit. I realized that this response was more than possible as I had struggled with thinking the paper was ready, but when you spend three years on something it is still crushing to hear that it is not worthy of submission.
On the third day of the year my little one was a challenge in every way possible. He was not listening, he was throwing tantrums, he had to go to the restroom several times in an hour and he seemed tired and cranky. His father and I are concerned that there may be a deeper issue and so that stress is mounting. As a result, I am cranky and not fulfilling my goals. I have already broken several promises to myself and that brings on the guilt.
So here we are at day four of 2016 and you know what? It's a Monday! What better day than the first Monday of the year to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and say "you know what year.....you can't beat me. Bring it on, cause I am starting over today!" I mentioned in my last post that I was going to set monthly attainable goals, so in the spirit of accountability and transparency I give you my January goals:
1. Join a fitness group that holds me accountable- I did this, I joined a beach body group that starts on January 11th, so wish me luck.
2. Learn to thread and use my sewing machine- I am hoping YouTube can help me with this one.
3. Join a small group at my church.
4. Start a four part series on this blog about staying committed.
5. Figure out my role and make an impact at work.
There they are, my five goals for January. They aren't lofty but writing them down and sharing them with all of you gives my mind a reboot. I am considering the first three days an extension of 2015. My new year begins now! The dissertation will get done, and you know what, better to get the hard feedback now instead of submitting and being denied. I'm never going to be the perfect Mom, wife, friend or family member, but I can try everyday by concentrating on serving and loving those I value.
I don't need to be the best at everything, I just need to try to be a better version of myself everyday. That will be enough. Most importantly, if I break a promise to myself or others, I need to seek forgiveness and move on.
I wish you all a wonderful start to 2016! Thank you for your time.
On the second day of the year I opened my email at a stoplight (I know terrible) on my way to a hair appointment. I was greeted with the devastating news that my committee member thought that my dissertation proposal was NOWHERE NEAR where it needed to be to submit to the review boards. The floodgates opened and I arrived to my hair appointment with puffy read eyes, a raw rubbed nose and a shattered spirit. I realized that this response was more than possible as I had struggled with thinking the paper was ready, but when you spend three years on something it is still crushing to hear that it is not worthy of submission.
On the third day of the year my little one was a challenge in every way possible. He was not listening, he was throwing tantrums, he had to go to the restroom several times in an hour and he seemed tired and cranky. His father and I are concerned that there may be a deeper issue and so that stress is mounting. As a result, I am cranky and not fulfilling my goals. I have already broken several promises to myself and that brings on the guilt.
So here we are at day four of 2016 and you know what? It's a Monday! What better day than the first Monday of the year to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and say "you know what year.....you can't beat me. Bring it on, cause I am starting over today!" I mentioned in my last post that I was going to set monthly attainable goals, so in the spirit of accountability and transparency I give you my January goals:
1. Join a fitness group that holds me accountable- I did this, I joined a beach body group that starts on January 11th, so wish me luck.
2. Learn to thread and use my sewing machine- I am hoping YouTube can help me with this one.
3. Join a small group at my church.
4. Start a four part series on this blog about staying committed.
5. Figure out my role and make an impact at work.
There they are, my five goals for January. They aren't lofty but writing them down and sharing them with all of you gives my mind a reboot. I am considering the first three days an extension of 2015. My new year begins now! The dissertation will get done, and you know what, better to get the hard feedback now instead of submitting and being denied. I'm never going to be the perfect Mom, wife, friend or family member, but I can try everyday by concentrating on serving and loving those I value.
I don't need to be the best at everything, I just need to try to be a better version of myself everyday. That will be enough. Most importantly, if I break a promise to myself or others, I need to seek forgiveness and move on.
I wish you all a wonderful start to 2016! Thank you for your time.
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