"Fitting In", Worlds Biggest Hoax
Tonight I reflect on "fitting in". I spent a great deal of time in my youth trying to "fit in". I had a TON of friends and I made them the end all be all priority. I poured everything into how people saw me. One day I woke up.....all my friends had disappeared and I was left alone to deal with really hard crap. I'm not saying I didn't still have a few amazing friends, but those relationships that I poured into, that I made a priority, I realized they were superficial. Those who stuck around for the poop of life....those were my people. I thought........If I friended hard enough, I would Carrie and have my Marriah, Samantha and Charlotte. What a CROCK!
At some point I woke and realized that I won't ever have that Sex in the City, or Golden Girls tribe of four friends. Oh don't get me wrong I have my tribe, but they don't live in the same house or even the same alphabet city. They don't even really know each other. My Cosmo loving, or hating, clan reside in the suburbs of Dallas Texas, Chicago Illinois and soon to be Pittsburgh Pennsylvania (that last wound is a little fresh so lets not fester shall we). We rarely talk on account of raising children, working and thousands of miles between. When we do.........oh you wish the walls could talk!
I spent a lot of time and effort comparing my friendships and relationships to other peoples ideals. The truth is........it's all crap. I had this very constructive and respectful conversation with a dear friend about how others perceive us. What I took away from the conversation was that it doesn't matter how outsiders, those outside of MY life, perceive me. I'm ME...take me or leave me. I will love God and gays, I will read the Bible and dress up for Halloween like a champ. I will stick up for my friends because I love them and I don't care how they choose to live their lives, it is not my place to judge.
I personally don't want to "fit in" I want to Stand Out and Stand Up! It is not my responsibility to judge others, but it is my responsibility to let them know that they "fit in" with me, and that I love them as they are, no exceptions. I find that I only fit in one place really. I don't fit in with mom's in Colorado because I'm not a stay at home or work from home Mom. I don't fit in at my church (which I LOVE, please don't get me wrong) but those relationships have already formed. I only fit in at work, and I feel so grateful to have found that place and a home.These are my people. They understand me and they don't judge (although they may relentlessly tease me) when I talk to them about my troubles with my obscene bad luck in relationships, my troubles with child biting, or even my addiction to Orange is the New Black. In return, comes the responsibility to love regardless of differing opinions, lifestyles and even work ethics. Man am I grateful for these people.
I have had this year! This year of just......... messiness.......and in that murk, that muck and that mud, there has been such beauty. Like the Lotus that grows from the murky waters, my life has found such beauty. I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I love who I love, how I love them and none of it is conventional, yet it's all amazing and beautiful. I'm so proud of how far I've come and how far I have yet to journey.
If you are in my life, you are meant to be here. It may not be conventional, or neat, or tidy, but we are meant to be in each others lives. I truly believe that. If you are not, I no longer give you power to make me care what you think of me, and I hope no one else does either. I love you all. I hope you love each other.
At some point I woke and realized that I won't ever have that Sex in the City, or Golden Girls tribe of four friends. Oh don't get me wrong I have my tribe, but they don't live in the same house or even the same alphabet city. They don't even really know each other. My Cosmo loving, or hating, clan reside in the suburbs of Dallas Texas, Chicago Illinois and soon to be Pittsburgh Pennsylvania (that last wound is a little fresh so lets not fester shall we). We rarely talk on account of raising children, working and thousands of miles between. When we do.........oh you wish the walls could talk!
I spent a lot of time and effort comparing my friendships and relationships to other peoples ideals. The truth is........it's all crap. I had this very constructive and respectful conversation with a dear friend about how others perceive us. What I took away from the conversation was that it doesn't matter how outsiders, those outside of MY life, perceive me. I'm ME...take me or leave me. I will love God and gays, I will read the Bible and dress up for Halloween like a champ. I will stick up for my friends because I love them and I don't care how they choose to live their lives, it is not my place to judge.
I personally don't want to "fit in" I want to Stand Out and Stand Up! It is not my responsibility to judge others, but it is my responsibility to let them know that they "fit in" with me, and that I love them as they are, no exceptions. I find that I only fit in one place really. I don't fit in with mom's in Colorado because I'm not a stay at home or work from home Mom. I don't fit in at my church (which I LOVE, please don't get me wrong) but those relationships have already formed. I only fit in at work, and I feel so grateful to have found that place and a home.These are my people. They understand me and they don't judge (although they may relentlessly tease me) when I talk to them about my troubles with my obscene bad luck in relationships, my troubles with child biting, or even my addiction to Orange is the New Black. In return, comes the responsibility to love regardless of differing opinions, lifestyles and even work ethics. Man am I grateful for these people.
I have had this year! This year of just......... messiness.......and in that murk, that muck and that mud, there has been such beauty. Like the Lotus that grows from the murky waters, my life has found such beauty. I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I love who I love, how I love them and none of it is conventional, yet it's all amazing and beautiful. I'm so proud of how far I've come and how far I have yet to journey.
If you are in my life, you are meant to be here. It may not be conventional, or neat, or tidy, but we are meant to be in each others lives. I truly believe that. If you are not, I no longer give you power to make me care what you think of me, and I hope no one else does either. I love you all. I hope you love each other.
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