The Superwoman Complex

Well it is that time of year again where we all make promises to ourselves to be thinner, richer, more fun, have more friends and so the list goes. We all know that these resolutions DON'T WORK.  at the end of the first week of the year we have abandoned the ideas that we had and we go back to our normal, self destructive and mundane routines..it sucks, makes us feel bad and leaves us waiting till next year to make the same resolutions.  The exact same ones. This year I challenge the 10 people who read my blog to set goals that they can be held accountable for.  This means a couple of things. Number one, you have to have a plan.  An actual plan, like on paper.  Number two, you have to have a due date, not some ambiguous place in time.  Number three, you have to tell someone and partner with them to reach your goal. Number One: Have a Plan It is not enough to have a resolution, or even a goal if there is no plan in place.  A goal without a plan is...

Tomorrow I will be coordinating a video shoot.  Leading up to this shoot I had to write scripts, recruit and wrangle talent, coordinate time and location and all with little direction.  I've never completed any of these tasks before, and the task seemed a little overwhelming at first. As I wait with bated breath for tomorrow to be completed successfully (I hope), I look back at the last week and a half and think "how did I get through this"?  Well, I'll tell you how, I faked it. I'm  not implying that it is OK to lie and say that you have done something that you haven't or that you have a skill set you do not posses, but if you are tasked with something you do not feel confident with, fake it. I have had several scenarios and tasks come to me in my professional life that I was unaccustomed to, and in some cases had no clue where to begin.  What I have experienced is that to gain confidence in something that seem daunting, attacking the task as if you were a ...

I struggled with how and if to tackle this topic. It is a departure from the usual workplace and parenting messages I usually send, but it is weighing heavily on my heart, and I feel that it is something I have to address. I am struggling with two very strong emotions surrounding the San Bernardino shootings.  I am struggling with Fear and Disappointment.  My family and I went to a Christmas Lights and Candlelight walk celebration this weekend and instead of thoroughly enjoying this gathering of 9,000 community members joined in peace, I was looking over my shoulder with a looming sense of anxiety.  There have been terrorist attacks before and I always felt safe, but this time it's personal. My hometown is San Bernardino.  I grew up there and those streets are more than familiar to me. I worked several times in the Outback Steakhouse where employees were on lock down and shots were heard from inside, and yes, I knew one of the 14.  When something like this h...

I struggle with mom guilt- there I said it, out loud, for all to hear.  I struggle with feeling like I can't do things to further myself outside of caring for my child and my family.  Everything feels harder with a small one doesn't it?  Committing to events, volunteering, making friends/momlationships as Melanie Dale calls them, even completing schoolwork all seems harder when you have this little person who wants to play or snuggle. I work out of the home and leave at 6:30 am. This puts my child in daycare for roughly 10-11 hours a day....talk about mom guilt.  The thing is that he doesn't mind it.  He loves to play and learn with his friends. It is much harder on me than it is on him....much! As a doctoral student, I often skirt academic responsibility to hang out with my little man.  I don't have to, he is content to watch his shows next to me on the couch as long as he knows I'm near.  How many times to we put off our dreams and aspiration...

"I would pass over your resume in a heartbeat."  This was the statement I received from a director of training very recently (who is supposed to be my friend).  The reason? I have had three jobs in the last 6 years. This comment caught me a little off guard, and I will admit, offended me at first.  I had been recruited away from my last three positions,  and was not in the job market when these transitions occurred.  I had been searched out for my skill set and talent, and I hadn't even taken all of the opportunities I had been offered. Before this 6 year stint I was with one company for over 15 years.  Truth be told I hate switching jobs, but I do not believe that this "job hopping" is not  look at the same way it was in previous times in job history. According to CNBC (2015), job hopping can boost your career if you do it right.  In fact, gone are the days when you stayed with one company until retirement (if you are lucky enough to plan for...

I have a desire to serve.  I feel that I need to commit to everyone and everything to maximize the positive impact I have in my circles.  I have a "yes problem".  If I had the time and monetary resources I would keep food banks full, I would endlessly babysit friends children so that they could take a break,  I would be on every community committee and I would give, give, give till there is nothing left to give. Problem is, I do not have unlimited resources, and time is usually not my friend.  When you are juggling work, school, family and a household,  there is little leftover to give, give, give.  So what is a servant hearted individual to do.  I was thinking about this on my commute today. The good thing about an hour commute is that it gives me that time to think.  The bad thing is that it is two less hours per day to contribute to some of the things listed above. I digress, about the topic on my mind today.  Let's start again....

Here in Colorado we finally got our first snowfall of the year.  By snowfall I mean we got a slight dusting of white stuff that was basically melted by the time I left the house at 6:35 am. This snowfall usually signifies a shift in perception regarding the seasons.  This is the time when people start to done jackets and boots and think about hot cocoa and the man in the red suit.  (Ugh I am so not ready). Holidays, climate changes, a shift in the retail sections...these are all clear indicators of change. These changes are  tangible and predictable (for the most part).  These changes I can handle.  It is the changes behind closed doors that scare me.  I usually don't have a problem with change, in fact I embrace it, if it is backed by clear directives and open communication. But change that happens in whispers and ambiguity is never received well.  If you are a leader who is implementing change here are a few words of advice from the other side...

Mondays are the worst aren't they? I always find it harder to get out of the house on Mondays.  They are a little more stressful than any other day and I find that it is hard to motivate the four year old to MOVE HIS REAR END! Ha ha ha. Late last night while perusing the book of faces, I notices on my child's preschool website that it was "Spirit" week and he had crazy hair day this morning.  GREAT! we have to add a hairstyle to our morning routine (because it's already so much fun). So while crash coursing on Pintrest to find a crazy hairstyle for my little, I ran across several "tips successful women follow to make their days more productive..blah blah blah" posts.  I kind of wanted to punt kick these articles.  "wake up early, and don't hit the snooze alarm", "get in a morning workout", "meditate and visualize your day as productive and task oriented". Pintrest and their unrealistic expectations! Who the heck are th...

Sometimes I feel like I have lost my identity which sometimes means that when I ditch the "mommy" label for a couple of hours I may go a little overboard trying to be the old me.  I had some scheduled time to myself each week,  but that is coming to an end.  I feel a little overwhelmed by my lack of identity again, but if I take a step back I realize that this too shall pass.  My little boy will not always need me to pick him up from school, and will not always want me to watch PBS kids all the freaking time with him.  He will rush upstairs to his room and play video games online and will not even give a thought to his Mom.  I will have my time to myself, and probably too much of it.  Granted I will also be old as dirt by this time but who cares.  Whenever I find myself getting selfish God has a way of taking away the freedom I enjoyed.  Maybe I abused the freetime I had and so I need to take a step back and realize that my little boy will on...

I am a full time, outside of the home working Mom.  Not only am I working Mom, I am a doctoral student who is all but one class away from ABD (All But Dissertation to those of you who aren't maniacal enough to pursue this life sucker called a Phd). On top of that I am what I like to call a Married Single Mom.  This means that although I have a husband, who is an excellent father, he is out of the home for business travel 20-25 days out of the month.  With all that being said, I do not have a lot of time for meeting new people, or developing new friendships. About 3 months ago I sent a cry to the Facebook universe..."Does anyone want to start a book club?" This was a bold move for me for two reasons: 1. I have some social anxiety and fear friendships with Mom's. 2. How did I possibly think I would have time to read a book. A Mom from my church who I know moderately well answered the call.  She not only alleviated my stress of finding people to actually want to parti...

I have a new job, which I came to through LinkedIn.  This is actually the fourth time I have been recruited from LinkedIn.  With this new job there is the perception that I would fall of the LinkedIn radar but this would have been a mistake. Below are five reasons why, even when you are happy in your current position, you should keep up with your LinkedIn presence: 1. You can never have too many relevant connections :  A network is an organic process that requires upkeep.  In my opinion you should always prune your network, keeping contacts relevant and pertinent to your industry or interests.  This may mean that you have many connections across multiple backgrounds, but they should be people who interest you.  Every connection brings something to your knowledge bank.  If you have connections that are not active in your journey, you should consider engaging them, or moving them to the back of your network. 2. You need to give as much as your recei...

I need more hours in the day.  I know a lot of people say that, but I really do need them.  I have grand elaborate plans of how to increase my health and happiness, but who has the time to be healthy and happy!  With work, commute, writing, parenting, wifing, adulting ....is there really any time for "me time"....?  The answer is yes, although it doesn't look like the pictures the articles make where you get to do yoga by a reflection pool. My me time begins around 4:30am this is my coffee and chores time. This is the time where the child is asleep and often the husband, if he is in town, is either already at work or asleep as well.  It may sound like chore time is not me time, but I enjoy cleaning and feel accomplished when I can complete these tasks uninterrupted. My second me time is usually sometime in the afternoon where I attempt to leave my desk to take a 15 minute walk.  This is the first me time to be compromised depending on the events of the da...

The original purpose of this blog was to provide a clever, anecdotal account of what it was like to be a full time career mother pursuing a doctorate degree.  What has occurred since is......well life.  My last post was almost one year ago to the date.  Since then both my husband and I have: Taken different jobs, transitioned into a new parent model, cleaned up dog incidents more times that we can count, sold a home, made decisions about buying a home (haven't done it yet though), contemplated the future, tried to keep an almost four year old busy and sane, tried to keep us busy and sane....oh and tried to have time for family, marriage and friends. What I have learned as I am one class from ABD (all but dissertation), is that life is the biggest elephant there is and indeed all you can do is take it one bite at a time.  What I thought I could plan, I learned I cannot. Life will come full force whether you like it or not.  I am tackling guilt lately.  I f...