The Superwoman Complex

I currently blogging from I don't know how many thousands of feet in the air.  Technology is so powerful that we are now able to work on an airplane.  This used to be my time to read a book for leisure or take a nap and now it is a time to catch up on work emails, and homework.  It's sad really. It has been awhile since I have had time to write to you all, the holidays and a hectic work schedule have made it so that I have had to take a little sabatical from my doctoral program in order to keep up with the ever active 15 month old.  It takes all that I have to keep up with my own world, much less the world around me. .......And then Sandy Hope.......and suddenly the world stands still for just a moment.  A tragedy that is unfathomable to a parent, or anyone really.  On that day I reevaluated priorites and realized that a moment of silence is needed everyday.  This moment of silence should be used to send loving thoughts to the person who frustrates you most, to mourn the lo

It is that time of year when we reflect on all the things that we choose to ignore for the rest of the year...the things that we are thankful for.  The rest of the year is spent on complaints and poor me's but for one month we look at all we have, and for once (even if it's fleeting), we are content. It would be much more productive to remember this everyday of the year, however this is not easy to do.  It is easier to want more, complain more, be more dissatisfied....after all we are the society of more.  I for one do not need more, well maybe more sleep, but otherwise I am beyond content with what I have. Every year Facebook is the  forum for so many to play the Thankful game, where the participants choose one thing to remember to be thankful for until Thanksgiving day. Last year I participated to what ended up in disastrous events and the loss of a 20 year plus friendship (that was the beginning of the end, not the sole reason for it). I realized that it meant nothing fo

Funny how it takes a cold to know me on my butt and back into a blog post.  It has been awhile my friends, but things are moving along.  So far 3 courses down and 4 more to go till year 2 residency.  Time is ticking away.  There have been many obstacles in time management, the most pending of course is a one year old who has hit his terrible two's early, and does not sleep through the night. I have been spending a considerable time thinking about the dissertation process, and every part of it terrifies me.  I think it is time to choose a panel, or at least to start selling myself (not in the way some of you are thinking).  I have decided on a few people to solicit for interviews and more to solicit for a questionnaire sample.  The most terrifying part of the process is converting the data collected into an intelligent statistical summary and then translating that summary into a paper that doesn't bore the average reader to tears.  I also have to choose and hire an editor, som

I have learned a lot about myself and about others the last couple of months.  I have learned those who I thought were the strongest, have the same insecurities as I do.  I learned that if someone is meant to be in your life, they will always manifest themselves in some way.  I've learned that sometimes it is better to just let someone go their own way, even if that way is away from you, so that the next person can come into your life. Last month I had the opportunity to spend a weekend in Vegas with one of my very special girlfriends.  The weekend did not go as planned.  I am officially far to old for Vegas, and my struggle with social anxiety manifested itself in a huge way,  but a lot came out of the weekend in hindsight.  I know that my friend will always be there for me, and that I will always be there for her.  I do not have to worry that after 20 some odd years of friendship she will decide I am a bad friend, and decide that she doesn't want to be in my life anymore. 

"I want to be 125 lbs by the time I go to Vegas for my girlfriends bachelorette party".  Sounds reasonable right?  What I don't tell you is that my girlfriends bachelorette party is in two weeks and I have 15 lbs to go.  All of the sudden that reasonable goal doesn't seem so reasonable.  So why do we make such heartbreaking goals, knowing that the outcome will only be disappointing. In my personal life, I have taken to making S.M.A.R.T goals.  I am a busy professional, a full time student, the mother of a toddler, the wife of a wonderful man, a friend, a housekeeper, and whatever myriad of hats fall on my head at that given moment.  S.M.A.R.T goals help me to compartmentalize personal, professional, and scholastic goals. What is a S.M.A.R.T goal?  S pecific M easurable A ttainable R ealistic T imely ( http://topachievement.com/smart.html )  For example:  My goal above is to lose 15 lbs in two weeks.  A S.M.A.R.T goal would be, I will modify my eati

Residency Lessons Learned Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.  - Ella Williams             The doctoral process is one of self-discovery and purpose.   There are many factors that lead to the possibility of withdrawal.   Many doctoral learners find that they are overwhelmed by course load; they have feelings of inadequacy, and isolation (West, Gokalp, Gokce & Edlyn, 2011). There are personal biases and assumptions that doctoral students have about the process, the program, and the types of community they will be entering into.             Through the doctoral residency program, I have learned three major life lessons.   While these three lessons are dominant, they are not inclusive.   This personal reflection will discuss lessons learned in regards to: 1.       The Doctoral Dissertation timeline and expectations 2.       Overcoming assumptions on the program and the doctoral community 3.       Creating a cohort community for support and positive applic

As you can see, it has been incredibly difficult to keep up with the blog as of late.  Partly because I have not allowed myself to find balance, partly because I am still sleep deprived.  With a move on the horizon, the new job and school, it is a wonder that I even made it here to AZ for my residency.  It is sad that it took a trip for study for me to slow down. The last two months have been a whirlwind of experiences. I ended my 14 and a half year career with Outback Steakhouse on Mother's day.  This was a bittersweet day which ended and era in my life.  My new position is much less social, and much more formal than my previous. This is both a positive and a negative for me.  I have in essense lost my childhood best friend, who has decided not to be in my life any longer through misscommunications on both of our parts. Even with this sadness, I am the happiest that I have been.  I am enjoying my studies, as I learn about transformational leadership, it has been amazing t

Everyone has dreams....some are small and some are crazy big.  Some people dream of being famous, some of being a parent, some of graduating college, and some just dream of a better life than they one they have today. There are some who never see their dreams become reality, not because they dreamed too big, but because they gave up on the dream somewhere along the way. Maybe everyone needs a dream fairy.  A person who helps you remember what your dreams are, and helps you in every way they can to achieve them.  I personally know a dream fairy, her name is Laura and she dedicates her life to helping other people's dreams come to fruition.  She is helping friends achieve fame, success and self esteem, and she does so selflessly. I do not consider my dreams to be lofty.  I wanted to be the first person in my family with a doctorate degree.  I want a successful career in training and development. I want to be a person my family is proud of.  My dream fairy helped connect me to peo

Over the last couple of months I have been suffering from what I can only describe as mini seizures.  I will lose consciousness for a literal second, almost like my brain misfires.  I would find myself in the kitchens of my restaurants and I would have to steady myself so that I would not fall over.  My biggest fear was that I would be walking downstairs with Blake and I would topple over as a result of one of these misfires.   At first I was very concerned about these "episodes", but I started to notice a pattern. The misfires only happen when I am sleep deprived for multiple days.  "Certain stages of sleep are needed for the regeneration of neurons within the cerebral cortex while other stages of sleep seem to be used for forming new memories and generating new synaptic connections. The effects of sleep deprivation on behavior have been tested with relation to the presence of activity in different sections of the cerebral cortex".( brynmawr.edu,2012 ) In short..

I have never had a good experience flying  for work out of Denver International Airport.  In fact every time I fly out of said airport I want to punch someone.  The first time I flew out of DIA as a Colorado resident I was 7 months pregnant, huge, and it was the middle of summer.  I parked in the main parking lot and noted where my car was (or at least I thought I did).  When I returned I walked for an hour trying to find my car only to sit on a curb huge and crying until a shuttle driver tried to help me.  Luckily at DIA they keep a record of every car in the lot and they were able to look up my car based on the fact that it was a silver Rav4 with California plates. The next time I flew for work was to Dallas.  I check in at the gate and waited through an epically long security line only to find out that the airline had checked me in under my co-workers name.  He is a guy, so clearly not me. I had to go all the way back to the check in counter, check in again and then get back to se

It is official! I am a doctoral student.  Just received my schedule and lets just say that sleep will elude me for the next 3 years.  It is so important to chase your dreams, even if they seem out of reach.  When I started college in 1996 I didn't think I would ever finish my bachelor's degree.  It took 10 years, I supported an ex husband through undergraduate and law school, worked more than full time, and struggled to get through school.  I had very little support from family, spouse or friends, but I was determined to finish.  I was going to have a bachelors degree. I never dreamed that I would have the gumption to continue with school, but with the support of my current husband, the person I am supposed to be with, I will soon be Dr. Amber Brown.  It will be quite a journey, I am sure, but I am so excited to have the opportunity to complete a dream. I am so proud of all of my friends who have gone back to school while supporting their families.  I have so many strong wo

You hear a lot of people using this anthem to St.  Patty's day, but how many know what it means?  There is nothing more comical than the drunk guy in the bar without a lick of Irish blood screaming at the top of his lungs, "Erin Go Bragh". This Irish anthem, loosely translates to "Ireland Forever".  It is used to pledge allegiance to the country of Ireland and Gaelic customs. St. Patrick's Day is known as the drinkers holiday here in America.  A night when college amateurs crowd into any bar with an O' or a Mc' in the name.  My college St. Patrick's Day adventures included pouring into the smallest green tank I could find and heading to downtown Santa Barbara to Dargan's , O'Malley's , or The James Joyce .  We would watch the college guys down Irish Car Bombs and green beer, and then stumble all over the college girls.  Man have the times changed. Saint Patrick's Day ( Irish : Lá Fhéile Pádraig (The Festival of Patrick Day))

Superwoman complex: A woman's wish to be excellent at all her roles (leader, professional, mother, wife etc.), that very often leads to psychological stress and feeling guilty toward family members or an expectation of being a superwoman that can and should do everything (cbmw.org, 2012). It's 9:30am in Aurora Colorado, my 6 month son and I have been up for 3 hours thus far.  Laundry is in the works, dishes are done,and the  trash is taken out. Daddy is asleep in the bedroom with all three dogs.  I am trying to get Blake, my son, to nap as he is desperately tired.  Such is the life of a stay at home mom, right...? Just one problem, I am not a stay at home mom. I am due to work in 30 minutes, which is not going to happen.  On today's agenda is an audit of a restaurant, followed by certifying 20+ restaurant trainers, and finishing off with a busy night at the restaurant. All in all a good 12 hour work day.  When I get home I will be signing into my school website to begi