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Showing posts from 2013

Running on Empty

Stress can take on many forms, mine has taken to the form of new found issues with anxiety and severe psoriasis.  It is time to regroup, refocus and take some time out for me.....easier said than done as usual. So what do you to do de-stress.  I have googled every technique known to man and many are not conducive to a doctoral learner with 6 mouths to feed; only 2 of which belong to me, a bustling two year old, and the holidays around the corner. One way I have decided to distress is to take a couple of days to run away.  I will be heading to a training a couple days early to take some me time.  I will likely see a friend or two, but this trip is more about finding me again.  I have decided this is necessary so that I do not kill someone. It is extremely hard to admit that I have too much going on, but I definitely have two much going on and my health is beginning to suffer.  I do not want to become unhappy or bitter and so I am finding it necessary t...

Holy Moly Time Flies!

It has been quite some time since my last post, and I am still striving to be all things to all people in my life.  You would think that someday I would learn, ha ha.  Well I have to say that it is more taxing, and more rewarding than I ever imagined to raise a toddler.  My two year old "monster" has far more energy than I, and I find myself running out of every resource imaginable.  I run out of time, patience, money, you name it.  At the end of the day I find myself thinking....I have to do this all again tomorrow. School usually suffers the most.  I have to balance the priorities of losing points for  late assignments against learning the functions needed with my new job, or even sleep.  I am attempting to take it all in stride, some days are definitely better than others, but I definitely fail in departments. I find that re-aligning my priorities has become almost a daily task....family is of course always first, so that is a given, but...

If at first you don't succeed

It has been a regrettably long time since my last posting. I would love to say that it is because so much has happened, but that is not the case.  A lot has happened in the last couple of months but it is not mind numbing or earth shattering.  Most of it was depressing and a little sad, but we all fought through our trials....at work, financially and even within our own minds, and we feel as if we are on the upward slope again. I am entering my second year as a doctoral student.  Some days I wonder how in the world I will ever get this accomplished, but then I have a class that is enlightening and engaging, and I remember why I am a lifelong learner.  It is hard to balance a family, marriage, career, household and school, but it is well worth it to gain the knowledge and to connect with others that are passionate about learning. It seems as if everyone we know is now on their 2nd child, and so naturally the pressure is on us to have "just one more".  My answ...

Many Windows

At any given time on my computer you can find not only several windows open, but even a couple browsers.  It seems as if I am always toggling between work email in Outlook, research articles in Firefox and personal sites in Internet explorer.  I always have at least 2 spreadsheets, 1 or 2 word documents and several PDF's open as well.  How strange that this parallels my life as well.  It seems as if I am always jumping from one activity to another, trying to balance on one foot and hold my breath all at the same time. Problem is....nothing seems to get done with any efficiency.  This is not an uncommon theme for anyone that I know. We are all busy!! I wonder what would happen if I just STOPPED......................................................................................................................................Phew that was painful, mind racing, heart pulsing, panic setting in...how do I learn to relax? I have tried yoga, usually with a toddler...

Connection Point

As someone who struggles with social anxiety, it is easy to feel disconnected.  I have reached a point earlier this week when I felt disconnected at work, within my church, with my friends, and even at home.  Part of this may indeed be due to exhaustion and those pesky expectations that I mentioned in a previous post, but some of it is indeed that I was not connected to myself. I recently received a link that I will share from a friend of mine named Lisa Ross.  I was looking for a way to disconnect to the busyness of life and connect, even for 10 brief minutes, with myself.  I was successful in meditation for one day....and then life took over again.  I allowed myself to take things personally and I forgot my goal...to connect with myself.  Other people have busy lives as well, and their lack of connection has nothing to do with me at all.  There are times when I forget to reach out to others, even when I know they are in need, because I have so much ...

Gearing up to get back in the game

Well it has been a busy leave of absense for me, but it is time to hit the books again. Next Tuesday I will resume my title of doctoral student....meaning, that I will get even less sleep than I get now!!! YAY!!!! In all seriousness I am excited to get back to it, it seems as if I have been slacking, ha ha ha. My little monster gave everyone his cold, which is one of the joys of parenting.  My husband of course spent all day in bed yesterday hamming it up and letting me wait on him hand and foot (this is what husbands do). As a mom and wife we fall naturally into the nurturing role without even noticing, until a week later we are still hacking away, and performing our normal duties, while they are fit as fiddles.  This isn't their fault, it is ours.  We feel the need to take care of everyone except for ourselves.  This has got to stop!! At least for me it does. We also converted the babies bed into his big boy toddler bed last night.  It took him an ho...

Lifes Struggles

I had the weekend all planned out.  I was cooking breakfast in bed for the hubby, we were going to the Science Museum with some friends, karaoke at night and then to the bounce house place on Sunday.  Husband comes home Friday night and informs me that we will be babysitting another one year old on Sundy...ok bounce house is out, Saturday still sounds like a great family fun day......then as the bacon is in the oven and I am getting the eggs out of the fridge I hear my uncle call from the basement.....water is pouring out of our stairwell (where the main water line terminates), and there is standing water everywhere in the hallway of the basement. Plans cancelled!! I let this ruin my whole day.  I felt defeated and depressed.  We cleaned up the mess and by 1pm we were bound for a family lunch out and then some time at the park.  It was too late for me though.  I was joyless. I have an expectation issue. I am sure that all of us over acheiving moms have ...

Construction Zone

I have been doing  a lot of work on me recently.  I took a leave of absense to get through the holiday's but got through so much more.  I am 11 days into a health challenge that I never thought I would have the will power for, and I am attempting to build new relationships with people who will compliment me and my new life, not hinder it and judge me. I will always be a work in progress, but I keep moving forward and I try not to settle or get too comfortable.  I want to help others to realize their potential as well. My biggest struggle right now is to get over this idea that others have put into my head. That I am selfish.  In some ways it is good to have this said to me, and about me, because it makes me more conscious of others. I have been walking around in a bit of a fuzzy haze since Blake was born.  I don't remember facts, details or names the way I used to.  He takes most of my energy and most of my brain power.  I am however starting to...

Out with the old

I wasn't at church last Sunday due to a sick kiddo, but I know that our pastor said in so many words to leave the baggage of 2012 in 2012 and concentrate on 2013.  Awesome advice, but very hard to do.  This year will be the year that I try to let go of the past, relationships, friendships, issues, baggage and problems. It will be my ultimate goal to conciously communicate.  I have noticed that since having my son I communicate superficially.  I no longer remember names the way that I used to, I do not remember conversations that I have with people unless there is something said that I find significant.  That needs to change.  I cannot expect to have meaningful relationships and friendships if I am not really listening.  I found that I try to relay the most information in the shortest amount of time and I never stop to ask questions of anyone else.  I need to slow down and really engage in conversations instead of trying to get them over wit...