The Superwoman Complex

So much more than a clever song lyric by The Band Perry (excellent song btw), it was a life lesson to me today.  I had a humbling experience today, not because I was wrong or right, because honestly I am not sure if I was or was not and I will likely never know, but I let two thing emotionally spin me today.....Pride and Possession.  Let's be honest neither on which matter a lick to anyone but me. You see I thought 8 months ago that I had accepted an offer for a particular salary, so when I received a pleasant review but the salary was surprising I went into a tailspin...This wasn't what I had signed on for, I don't even like what I'm doing, why would have I agreed to this? I had these preconceived notions that I was better than where I was and that I had not agreed to something that paperwork had clearly documented that I had. I am not sure what delusion I was under or why I had a particular figure in my head, but I learned a valuable lesson today. Crow tastes awfu...

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge to say the least.  Many don't know that I have a husband who is wonderful (ok everyone knows that part) who battles with depression.  Many also do not know that I have an issue with empathy.  What my husband feels, I also feel.  If you have not yet heard, depression can be contagious, and I know this feeling all too well.  The last few weeks have been particularly bad, but we are on the mend. The main symptoms for me during these times is exhaustion, a lack of focus and a deep sadness that I cannot fix the situation.  During these times I have little motivation and a whole lot of excuses. This time I felt it necessary to take a leave of absence for school so that I could once again begin the search for a new chair.  This process was daunting the first time and left me nervous and apprehensive. I procrastinated the first week.  I told myself that taking care of my family was a priority and that I c...

So I finished my series on commitments and I did better than I expected on all of those commitments.  They are all baby steps, works in progress and to the average person it would seem  as if not much has been accomplished, but trust me, there has been much progress.  Today I'd like to switch gears....I'd like to impart my....ahem...wisdom to this younger generation of workers. Young workers of this earth, there are 5 things that you must STOP doing in the workplace now.  I mean like right now.  These 5 things label you as irresponsible, unreliable and just bad people.  I embellish of course, but not much.  Let me explain.  Last week I spent the entire week minus one day filming young employees DOING THEIR JOB.  Most of them did an incredible job, but some of the interactions reminded me of the same mistakes I have made in the past, hell some of the I still make now.  So here they are, my five things you all need to stop doing for...

Sometimes I feel like a super bad juggler.  I feel like I have several balls: Work, husband, child, school, community commitments, friends, family, housework and financial obligations.  I have all these balls that I try to keep up in the air and at any given time they all come crashing to the floor in a most dramatic flop. Being a working mom and also going to school is hard.  In fact I am not going to sugar coat things, this is the hardest season I have had in my entire life.  Author Jen Hatmaker talks about taking thing on and off of your life balancing beam, but I am currently in a season where nothing can be taken off my beam. What can be frustrating is when people disagree with that statement.  Surely something can be taken off, surely I can find some time to decompress, or to just breathe.  One of those people is even my husband who routinely says that I just don't make time for myself, but is frustrated when I don't have the time to spend with hi...

So I missed my blog post last week.  I am sure everyone noticed and was very sad about that.  First, class started back up again after about 10 weeks of a hiatus with dissertation writing, parting ways with my chair and starting that whole process of finding a new chair.  But none of those are reasons I did not post. The real reason for not posting is that it was my promise to myself to to post and commit to joining and being more involved in a community. I love the idea of making new friends, having that Sex in the City, Golden Girls even Buffy the Vampire Slayer core group of friends to do life with.  I love the idea!! It is not my reality, in fact making new friends freaks me out.  Getting close to friends terrifies me. So the idea of inserting myself into a community is something I avoid at all costs. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of wonderful friends and family, but most of them are not local.  I have my one Colorado person/Family that I feel ba...

So I want to start this post by saying a big huge thank you to those of you who read my rants and comment on them either publicly or privately.  Thanks to you who read and don't comment.  Thanks to you who read at all. I started this blog a little over three years ago to express my journey towards becoming an accredited scholar while juggling life.  That journey continues with some failures and some wins along the way, and for all of you who have followed the journey, whether I know you personally or not, you are a part of my clan. So, lets talk about how this commitment to self is going since I know that you are all on the edge of your seats awaiting an update.  It's going well.  I have adhered to my separation from my wine, and I have learned that it is not hard to give up.  I enjoy more productivity, more stable moods and a higher sense of self worth because the shame that I associated with alcohol consumption has subdued.  I have kept my commitme...

So in my last posting I spoke of a goal I had to post a 4 part series on commitment.  So I plan to do so.  In brainstorming these posts (which consists of my mind wandering a million different directions at the most inopportune times) I came up with the 4 following compartments of commitment that speak to my particular season of life. First and foremost I have made a commitment to self:  personally, spiritually and physically. Commitment to my people, my clan:  This includes my husband, my little man, my extended family and my friends past present and future. Commitment to my community:  More needs to be done in my life to foster community and service to those around me.  This goes hand in hand with my commitment to my clan. Commitment to Work and Education:  I lump these two together because they take almost equal effort lately and both are full time.  These are the areas that I feel need a deeper level of commitment from me in my curre...